


I'll Follow You Into the Dark

by sirjusblack



Category: Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Boys In Love, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 14:11:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19007401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirjusblack/pseuds/sirjusblack
Summary: If I don't go to Hell when I die, I might go to Heaven.This piece is trigger warned for accidental death and implied suicide. Read at your own risk.





	I'll Follow You Into the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I've been writing Colin/Stefan for quite some time and I decided I'd switch it up a bit with this one. It's definitely darker than my other works, and it's in third person as opposed to first. I hope you like it! If you do, let me know and I'll try to write more pieces like this! Please leave comments and kudos and subscribe! <3

Stefan had always worried himself. Specifically about the vast expanse of the universe, what it all means. Why things happen the way they do. Why we’re here in the first place.

He was introduced to death at a young age with the passing of his mother. Stefan became painfully aware of his own mortality before he knew what death even meant. His father never understood. 

_What happens when we die, Dad?_

_We’re buried, Stefan. We have a funeral and we’re buried._

_But where do we go? What do we see?_

_The ground. We see... black. I don’t know, Stefan._

He’d semi-forcefully set his newspaper down, growing tired of the conversation. Stefan would take this as his cue to be quiet and attempt to answer his questions for himself. He never could.

Even if he couldn’t definitively solve the puzzle for him, Stefan had somebody who would think about the answers with him. 

It was supposed to be Stefan and Colin forever. Stefan and Colin as the world catches fire. Stefan and Colin as mountains erode into nothingness. Stefan and Colin as the earth finally floods. Stefan and Colin as they’re reduced to ashes and stardust. Stefan and Colin for eternity.

_An eternity sounds like a long time,_ Stefan said once. _How could we know for sure?_

_You can’t._

Colin was the one person who could talk about the end with Stefan. Colin wasn’t sure about any of it, but he sold it so well. The tone of his voice made Stefan believe his words were gospel. Even as he spoke in the hypothetical, Stefan took his words as truth.

Stefan couldn’t possibly remember when or where he’d met Colin. He thought those types of friends were the truest, the ones where you weren’t keeping track of the hours you spent or the places you went. There was just always something special about Colin, even if Stefan refused to let himself feel it.

Stefan was touch starved, they both were. They stole moments of affection whenever their subconsciouses would let them. 

Brushing hands as they walked through the streets together. Stares that lingered for a moment too long. They delighted in the sounds of their breathing and the rise and fall of each others’ chests, hoping to one day observe each other’s heartbeats.

Colin voluntarily took on the task of talking Stefan off the ledge from time to time. He was happy to do it, a side effect of love that he would never recognize. It wasn’t an overwhelming job, however, as Stefan’s anxiety naturally dissipated a bit when they were together.

_What happens when we die, Colin?_

_We’re sorely missed._

_But where do we go? What do we see?_

_With any luck, each other._

Colin always maintained that one day, he and Stefan would up and leave. They’d pack their bags and skip town, never to be seen again. Such a reckless plan should fill Stefan with dread, but he was always silently waiting for the day Colin would text him and they would go. Stefan always had a small bag packed, but he never let Colin see that. 

_We’ll escape, Stefan. Our lives will only truly begin then._

Though they saw each other every chance they got, Colin spent every Saturday with Stefan. No matter what, Colin caught the 8:30 train from Queenstown Road Station and made the short trip to Stefan’s house. It comforted Stefan, knowing he had some form of stability in Colin’s weekly visits.

Sometimes Colin would bring Stefan little trinkets or things he’s found since their last Saturday that he thought Stefan will enjoy. Sometimes it was flowers he’d picked from the small garden outside his house. Other times it was a record he’d been listening to on repeat. 

But this Saturday brought a promise ring and a plane ticket. Colin’s bags were packed. He canceled his weekly train card. He said his goodbyes to friends and family.

This would be his last trip to Stefan’s house.

Stefan and Colin texted quite often, so receiving a text from Colin was no reason to panic on Stefan’s part. It seemed Colin had missed the 8:30 train. Not to worry, he would be taking the 8:45.

Something was wrong. Off.

The 8:30 train never took more than 20 minutes to get to its destination, and arrival was always quickly followed by a text from Colin. Something along the lines of, “On my way, can’t wait to see you” or “Just arrived, got a little something for you.” Not that Saturday though, and all Stefan could do was sit and stew.

Minutes felt like hours as Stefan sent panicked texts to Colin.

_Where are you? Please call me. Are you still on the train? Did you get delayed? Please get back to me._

Stefan turned on the television, perhaps in a feeble attempt to distract himself. He should’ve known better.

_The Emergency Services say the 8:45 train derailed at high speed outside Queenstown Road Station. As the death toll continues to rise, transport police have opened an inquiry, but the cause is not yet clear._

Stefan didn’t need confirmation. He knew exactly what had happened.

The sweaty palms. The shaky hands. The staggered breaths. The surfeit of tears.

Stefan was home alone.

With blurred vision and body-wracking sobs, he stumbled around, searching for something, anything, to make this pain stop. He’d gone through it once, he refused to do it again.

He mindlessly found the medicine cabinet, searching for his anxiety medication but finding a plethora of other drugs, all equally enticing.

Stefan is about to find out where we go when we die.


End file.
